Memoirs of SasoDei
by Shh-Its-Me
Summary: A collection of SasoDei one-shots. Mainly light-hearted stories. Warning: Shounen-ai and overall Sasori/Deidara goodness! SasoDei. DeiSaso. Yaoi.
1. Sex Talk

A/N: Yay I've always wanted to write SasoDei and here it is! Will be updated sporadically whenever inspiration strikes =3 Reviews much appreciated!

* * *

Sasori and Deidara seem to be opposite in every way whether it be their artistic standpoints or personalities. In fact, one may wonder why they were together in the first place. At a glance, there seems to be nothing that binds them together other than the fact that they're both the only artists in Akatsuki. Therefore, it was inevitable that someone at some point would question their unorthodox relationship.

Anyone idiotic enough to approach Sasori regarding the matter would be immediately subjected to his Lethal Glare™ (which was only second to the Uchiha Glare of Doom™) until the person either the person either hightailed out of there or if they were really brave (stupid/Hidan) and persisted then the questioner could be expected to mysteriously become bedridden in horrible pain and agony for 2 weeks...if Sasori was in a generous mood.

Someone with half a brain would have known better than to approach Sasori and would have instead turned to Deidara. Depending on his mood and what he was doing, 50% of the time (in his more volatile moods) he would most likely attempt to make you into his art for even asking such a thing and 49% of the time he would completely ignore you in favour of doing something more productive and entertaining (like making you into his art). On the rare instances that he was feeling extremely friendly (slightly buzzed, you don't want a wasted Deidara with clay), he might just answer your question.

After witnessing the 349th row between the artistic duo (yes he's been counting, after all, there are limited forms of entertainment at the Akatsuki base) his curious sharky nature got the better of him. Plus he was bored beyond belief.

Now, while Kisame did not possess the genius of his partner, he wasn't exact stupid either. Even if he didn't have any brains, every man knows that alcohol is one sure way to get the tongue nice and loose for certain endeavours...no not THAT kind of endeavour you sick pervert.

The most difficult part of this noble quest for Kisame would be to actually approach the target (Deidara) without suffering any major damage (Art un!) and then for the target to actually consume enough alcohol for him to be slightly intoxicated. With a cunning strategy in mind, Kisame approached Deidara with several bottles of the lethal truth serum liquid substance in hand.

After several days of collecting information on the target, Kisame had come to the conclusion that the target was most docile when replenishing vital nutrients. In other words, the only time that Deidara would _maybe_ give a shit about what anyone has to say (except Sasori, Deidara will always listen to him but that's obvious) would be when he was eating. Armed with this information, Kisame was finally ready to execute his master plan.

Deidara was currently in the dining room finishing off his meal when Kisame placed the bottles on the dining table and sat on the opposite side. Deidara glanced at the bottles before glancing at Kisame in a questioning manner. Kisame took a deep breath before uttering the crucial question.

"Artists are all pansies who can't hold alcohol like REAL men."

Okay, it was more of a statement but the explosion was immediate. After a flurry of furious un's and hand gestures the game was on as Deidara was NEVER one to back down from a challenge.

"I'll show you pansy you Uchiha butt-kissing shark bastard, un!"

Several bottles of sake later, both missing-nins were pleasantly buzzed. By then, Deidara had pretty much forgotten about defending his manly honour. Tch, men. Kisame decided that now was the time to subtly ask the question.

"So, what do you see in puppet boy anyway?" Meh, Kisame was never one for subtle.

To that, a chesire grin slowly spread across Deidara's face.

"Weeeeeeelll, Sasori-Danna is a puppet master," Deidara stated in a matter-of-factly way. Which it pretty much was.

"...and?"

"He can use chakra strings." An eyebrow was lifted in a suggestive manner.

Upon hearing THAT answer, Kisame's eyebrows shot up. This seemed to be more promising than he had originally suspected. He refilled their sake cups whilst gesturing for Deidara to continue. A small voice in the back of Deidara's head warned him that this was a bad idea but for the life of him, he couldn't remember why. The thought was quickly brushed aside as he accepted invitations quite enthusiastically.

"And did you know that not all poisons are unpleasant, un?"

* * *

3 hours later, Deidara was running away from Sasori in hopes of living to see another day. He wasn't just quite ready to go out with a bang yet. At least now he knew why the voice was warning him against discussing their sex life. Sasori had walked into the dining feeling rather pissed as he realised what the topic of conversation was. By then, Hidan, Itachi and Konan had joined in and all were feeling rather amused as Deidara described his and Sasori's sex life in much detail complete with hand gestures and all.

Deidara dodged to the left as a kunai whizzed right across his ear and as he jumped right before he would have been speared by the poison-tipped coil he swore that if he made it through this in one piece, he'd _never_ advertise his and Sasori's sex life ever again.


	2. Part 1: A Cinderella Story

A/N: I've seen quite a few SasoDei Cinderella stories and what irks me the most is that it's basically the original story with name changes. This is how I think the REAL one should go. Part two will be up shortly.

* * *

Once upon a time, in a land far, far away, there lived a rich and happy, if not eccentric, family of three. Pein, the father, Konan, the mother and their child Deidara, a beautiful blonde haired beauty who was "definitely not a girl, un!" How a red-head and a blue-haired managed to produce a blonde child, no one knew. They lived happily until one day, Deidara noticed that his mother looked different. He decided to investigate.

"Leader-sama," Pein was a megalomaniac, "why does mama have lines on her face?"

Pein put down his coffee cup and decided it was time for his son to learn the facts of life, "Son, never _ever_ point out these types of things to women."

"Why?"

Pein paused for a moment before dropping his voice to a conspiratorial whisper.

"Women are strange creatures. First, you have to understand that you will NEVER understand them"

"Uhh…ok?"

"They are picky about the strangest things and are emotional time-bombs. About once-a-month their inner demons come out and destroy everything in their way."

Pein shuddered as he recalled Konan during these times whereas Deidara looked on them fondly; he always had enjoyed her emotional explosions.

"Well back on topic," Pein's face darkened, "Women are vain creature. Number one rule: they never look fat. And about those lines you saw on your mother's face?"

"Un?"

"It means that soon she will become old, crabby and ugly."

This alarmed Deidara. "REALLY?"

Pein nodded gravely, "Yes, but you can't tell her that."

Deidara frowned as he thought hard. "So, human life is like my art…only fleeting in beauty?"

At that, Pein went back to his newspaper. He never did understand his son's obsession with art. He just hmmed in agreement with whatever he said.

"Poor mama, I should help her shouldn't I?"

Pein took a sip of his coffee and hmmed again. Deidara beamed, glad that his father agreed. He would help his mother with her predicament.

* * *

A few days later, Pein was upstairs practicing his god-speech when he heard a KATSU followed by a shriek and explosion. Sighing, Pein put down his speech and rubbed his temple. Deidara had probably blown up _another_ servant for his 'art'. He strode to the window in hopes of catching a glimpse of the burning person. To his surprise (and disappointment), all he saw was a smouldering pile of ash. Damn.

"Deidara, who did you blow up now?" Pein hollered.

Deidara looked up and gave his father his most heart-warming smile, "Konan, un!"

"Konan…wait WHAT?" Pein stared at Deidara in a flabbergasted manner.

Yes, Deidara had just blown up his mother. He had come to the conclusion that he should help his mother with her problem and what better way to do that than to turn her into one of his best masterpieces yet!

"She was extremely flammable, being paper and all. That gave her an extra bang, un!" Deidara began gesturing wildly. "Now, instead of her beauty withering away, it will always be remembered in that one fleeting moment!"

Pein thought over Deidara's explanation and he only had one response for that.

"Oh…that makes sense I guess."

And with that, Pein went back to his god-speech. On his mental to-do list, he added 'Need to find a new angel'. Wife. For Deidara's sake…of course.

* * *

Six months later, Pein returned from a studious application and interviewing (interrogation) process and had finally selected a new wife (angel). The new wife came with extra baggage in the form of two daughters but that was okay. He wasn't expecting them to last long with Deidara around. Little did he know that his new wife was after his fortune. She had a massive gambling debt to pay off after all and had already cunningly planned his death.

Deidara had been working on his next masterpiece (an explosive clay dragon) when he heard his father call him down. With an irritated huff, he wiped his hands on his pants and stomped downstairs.

"You called, Leader-sama?" he asked in a bored manner.

"Yes, I did…meet your new mother and her sisters." With a dramatic flourish, he signalled for the servants to open the front doors. Deidara's eyes widened and his jaw dropped in horror as he took in the sight. The woman who was now his mother had an enormous bust. She looked young and pretty at a glance but for some reason, the eye hidden under his bands could see through whatever illusion she was using and see her for what she really was. He wasn't sure why but the word 'Uchiha' and 'Sharingan' made his blood boil with rage. He turned his horrified gaze to his stepsisters in hopes that his eyes could seek solace. Unfortunately, they were just as bad. One of them had a shocking shade of pink for hair and a wide forehead while the other was dressed in the most horrifying style of clothing ever. Clearly, his new family had no concept of art in any form.

Deliberately misinterpreting Deidara's expression, Pein continued, "Wonderful, I'm sure we'll all get along just fine, you're dismissed!"

Deidara stalked off while still muttering about artless women. Pein turned to his new minions…family. "Come angel and minions. I will show you around." The three females shared an evil grin before following him.

* * *

God was dead. Okay, Pein was dead. At the funeral, Tsunade was sobbing while tearfully explaining how Pein had 'accidently' suffocated himself in her breasts in the midst of passion. Everyone was pretending to grieve but they were all secretly relieved to be free from the rule of that tyrant. Only Deidara looked on the proceedings with disdain. What a pathetic death…

Immediately after the funeral ended and the guests were dismissed, Tsunade turned onto Deidara.

"You," she snarled.

"Me," he stated in a bored manner.

Tsunade faltered before replying, "We will be dismissing all the servants tomorrow and you will work in their place." Ino and Sakura nodded enthusiastically to the announcement. They wouldn't tolerate anyone prettier than they were (even though they would _never_ admit that) even if Deidara was a boy.

Deidara merely stared back calmly and made a noise of agreement before strolling casually back to the mansion. Well, thought Tsunade, that was anti-climatic. However, if Pein and Konan were still alive, they would know that now was the time to take refuge in the specially built reinforced explosion-proof bunker. Unfortunately for the three females, they only thought they had Deidara whipped and they were all smirking smugly amongst themselves before going off and getting ready for dinner. Warning number one.

At dinner, Deidara was eerily quiet. The three females just assumed he knew his place and shot him occasional superior glances. Warning number two. Deidara finished his dinner and politely asked, "May I be excused, un?" Polite Deidara; warning number three.

"You may," Tsunade replied. Good, she thought, the boy knows his place. Deidara left and they continued dinner until a loud KATSU punctuated the silence. An explosion followed. Luckily, only the whole second floor was levelled so no one was hurt. They rushed outside just in time to see Deidara jump onto his animated clay dragon.

"Like I'd _really_ listen to you bitches," Deidara sneered before flying off.


	3. Wedding Vows

A/N: A wedding theme! Hmm...it was originally supposed to be serious but lately I've been in a crack writing mood. Well, here's the result. A big thank you to **TeamDavid0698** who made it flow better. Now it doesn't suck so bad xD

* * *

"So will you help me?" Sasori finished in a bored tone, staring in an almost tired manner at Hidan.

"You're about to rescue your bitch for Jashin's sake! Put some feeling into it you prick!"

Smirk. "_Sasori's bitch_ as you so eloquently put it would blow you to pieces if he heard that."

Sigh. "God, Hidan, you're so melodramatic."

Narrowed eyes. "It's JASHIN you miser."

"Can we just get on with it?" a disinterested voice asked.

Rolling eyes. "See what I fucking mean? You fucking act like you don't give a shit."

"Well then," an exasperated voice replied, "_Do_ tell us your master plan."

"Uhh..."

Patronizing stare. "...You _do_ have a plan right?"

Flustered. "Of course I do you son of a bitch." Sasori's expression brightened in a mocking way as he began to move his arms about in faux excitement. "Why not just barge in and say something like HANDS OFF WHORE - THAT'S MY BITCH!"

Snickering.

Monotone. "Actually, that's not a bad idea."

Silence.

**-------------**

_"You have been asked to gather here to witness and share in the joy of this union."_

She was a lovely thing really. Her dark navy blue hair up in an elegant bun; strategically placed wisps framing her cherubic face.

_"...social recognition to their decision to commit their lives..."_

Her eyes were the most mesmerizing shade of lavender. He dropped his gaze to her full, plump lips; Lips that he would be kissing in a moment. Giving his bride-to-be a look-over, voluptuous figure in a tight-fitting white dress, he came to the conclusion that many men would kill to be in his shoes and yet...it didn't feel right.

_"...support and encourage them as they discover the commitment and dedication needed to make marriage work."_

It was unfair for both of them. He had seen her making eye contact with a blonde boy earlier. It was only a quick glance and a touch of fingertips but it was more than enough to let him know that he wasn't the only one unhappy with the engagement.

_"...to be your wedded husband, to share your life openly, standing with him, in sickness and in health."_

It was an arranged marriage - A business marriage. They would try to make it work but both their hearts longed for someone else. For her, a blonde boy who's smile made her knees tremble and his for the red-head who stole his heart.

_"I...I-do-"_

"HOLD IT RIGHT THERE YOU WHORE!" The doors of the chapel slammed open. "Deidara's MY bitch!"

Deidara gaped.

"K-Karin?! What are you doing here?"

"Sweetie, did you REALLY think I would let go of you that easily?" Karin purred.

The guests were immediately in an uproar. Bodyguards were rushing to apprehend the intruders but a blur slipped through the crowd and held the bride at knifepoint. Immediately, everyone in the chapel froze. "Freeze or the bride loses her head," Sasuke said in perfect monotone.

Deidara stared at the younger Uchiha before commenting "Dude, your monotone's as good as Itachi's now."

"I know," A smirk, "I've been practicing."

"So how have you been? I haven't seen you in a few years, I think…Yeah." He glanced at the dark-haired boy who was holding his unusually calm bride hostage and nodded. "You look good, yeah."

Sasuke nodded to himself, his grip on the bride's shoulder and knife not losing their lethal grasp. "Yeah. I've been working out a lot." He looked over Deidara's shoulder at Karin and sighed. "Anyway, sorry to bother you guys, Karin just picked the lock on my apartment door and said that if I didn't follow her she would set the place on fire. I probably would have thrown her out, but she brought a torch and gasoline this time."

Deidara tilted his head sympathetically. "When I first met her, she stalked me back to my house and tried to get me to date her. Luckily Sasori wasn't there; it would have taken me _weeks_ to get the blood and flesh out of the carpet." He couldn't help the hollow feeling in the pit of his stomach when he thought about his red-haired Danna. Okay, perhaps he was putting too much hope in him; after all, Sasori had much more sense than to just burst into a wedding – especially one that was being filmed live! The idea of Sasori even attempting that almost made the blonde groom laugh.

"HOLD IT RIGHT THERE YOU WHORE!" The doors of the chapel slammed open once more. "Deidara's MY bitch!"

Deidara gaped.

"H-Hidan?! What are _you_ doing here? And I'm not your bitch!" Deidara was wondering how many times that line would have been said by the time the day was over. Probably a lot.

"No," a calm voice agreed, "he's _mine_." Recognizing the voice, Deidara immediately turned his gaze to the right of Hidan.

"S-Sasori Danna?"

The red head smirked and casted a particularly venomous gaze over at Karin, who was now gasping in a fish-like manner as she caught sight of not only Sasori, but a trigger happy Hidan that was ticking like a time bomb with a large UZI in his pale arms. The weight of the overly large weapon didn't seem to bother him as he darted his eyes around the room in a hyped-up manner.

"I really don't appreciate people who steal my lines," He stared at Deidara once more, "And I especially don't like it when they try to steal _my _Deidara." The emphasis on the possession Sasori had on the blonde – and the way his brown eyes were staring right into him – made him almost want to melt into a puddle of ecstatic goo.

Sasuke coughed and he remained on his feet.

"You guys seem to forget I still have a hostage here."

Everyone in the chapel, who had previously been frozen in shock, was immediately in yet _another_ uproar.

"Who are these people?"

"Someone arrest them! They have weapons!"

"_Danna_? The groom is already married?"

"Haha, you owe me fifty. I _told_ you the groom was a chick!"

At that last comment, Deidara flushed a deep red before roaring "I'M A FUCKING MAN, YEAH!"

He heard a sigh over the shouts and random comments of his gender, and saw another man had taken Sasuke's place and was now grabbing his bride (?) by the shoulder with the same knife against her throat.

"God, this is even worse than that one time at Temari and Shikamaru's wedding." He turned to Deidara. "What is it with family going insane at each other's weddings?"

The bride moved to shrug a bit. "Well, Sasuke _is_ my cousin. I thought he wasn't going to show up."

"You must be touched, yeah." She smiled softly.

"I'm just wondering where Itachi-"

The other blonde holding Hinata spoke up. "Nope. He's here." Everyone turned to the church doors. Again.

"HOLD IT RIGHT THERE YOU WHORE!" The doors of the chapel slammed open. Again. And they were starting to look in bad shape with everyone bursting through them by now. "Deidara's MY bitch!"

Deidara gaped… Again. Then he stopped and gained his composure. He was too weary to pretend to be surprised now.

"Itachi? What are you doing here?" he asked once more. He was starting to get tired of this and dearly hoped that Sasori would just punch his way through the crowd and drag him off somewhere. Preferably with a bed – or some other type of flat surface.

Before Itachi could reply, a voice interrupted. "Itachi-san?" A wide-eyed Kisame stared, "Have you been _cheating _on me?" Big tears began to fall from his sharky face.

Itachi swiftly turned and leaned up to kiss his partner's tears away. "Kisame-koi..."

Kisame sniffed, "Yes Itachi-san?"

"...You should have realized by now that I love you and would never do such a deplorable act," Itachi reassured with as much emotion as he would if asking for dango. And that's quite a lot for Itachi standards.

A tap on Deidara's shoulder interrupted the rather odd sight and he saw Sasori had somehow crept up behind him. They both smiled at each other.

"I figured you weren't going to make it." Deidara said teasingly.

"What? And let your hot ass suffer in unimaginable depression for the rest of your life? I'm not _that_ cruel." He cast a look over at the bride. "No offence."

"None taken." She said.

Deidara chuckled as Sasori reached up to stroke his lips.

"So, what now?" the blonde asked softly.

Sasori pretended to think for a moment before pecking him on the lips. "I've always wanted to go to Hawaii. Maybe we should go there for our honeymoon."

"But we aren't married."

Sasori reached over, and grabbed the bride's bouquet. She didn't seem to mind. Thrusting it into Deidara's hands, he kissed him harder this time. "There; we're in a church, you have flowers and you're wearing something formal. Are we good now?"

Deidara was about to point out that the priest wasn't even conscious after all the excitement, but then noticed how Itachi and Kisame were eyeing each other in a passionate silence.

"Good enough for me, yeah. Let's go before we see something we really don't want to see." Sasori grabbed his hand and, with a quick smile and wave to his ex-bride and kidnapper, let Sasori drag him out of the chapel.

As the two love birds drove off into the afternoon sun, most of the church guests had passed out from severe blood loss through the nasal passage during Kisame and Itachi's episode of hot man sex. Giving Naruto and Hinata plenty of time to make off just like Sasori and Deidara did. Except they went to Jamaica.

All four of them got tans and went snorkeling, and lived happily ever after – even if they technically weren't married. So basically, the day wasn't nearly as suckish as everyone originally thought it would be.

Oh, and Hidan? Well, he took out his pent off energy at a nearby McDonalds. So yeah, it was a pretty good day.


	4. You won't ever leave me now

A/N: Oh god, is this SasoDei angst? See, I can handle angst! Now excuse me while I go slit my wrists.

* * *

For Deidara, relationships were fleeting. He flitted in and out of the lives of many, impacting them with a bang before disappearing again. Ironically, Deidara had one constant in his life; his best friend Sasori. They made a strange duo, constantly arguing about art. In fact, that's where their similarities ended. Their art reflected their views on life.

For Sasori, relationships should be long-lasting. Hence why he rarely trusted anyone. He always voiced his disapproval at Deidara's promiscuous ways but it didn't really matter as long as it didn't affect the delicate balance of their friendship. Or so it seemed. In reality, their relationship was doomed from the very beginning.

---

Sasori watched as Deidara fooled around with a group of girls. Lately, he'd started to have feelings for the brat. Eventually, Deidara looked and caught his eye-contact. A quick word to the gaggle of giggling girls and then he walked over to Sasori.

"Is there something you wanted Danna?"

"What makes you think I want something brat?"

"You always look at me like that when you want something."

Sasori remained silent while contemplating whether or not to bring forward his thoughts.

More to prompt Sasori than anything else, Deidara raised an eyebrow suggestively while asking, "Maybe you want me?"

Sasori responded quickly, seizing the opportunity. "Yes, I do."

Deidara was taken aback for a moment but he quickly recovered. He quickly considered what Sasori said and decided to accept. After all, he wasn't in any current relationship and he did feel some attraction to his friend.

"Alright but I'll warn you now, I won't stay forever."

---

Three months. That's how long it lasted and it was the longest Deidara had ever stayed in a relationship for. However, Deidara was a free spirit who couldn't be restrained by anyone, not that Sasori didn't try. As the months progressed though, Deidara became more and more detached whereas Sasori still tried to cling onto him.

"Sasori, we need to talk."

Sasori paused in his puppet making and glanced up to find an unusually serious looking Deidara. Putting down his tools, he turned to fully face him. An uneasy feeling filled his stomach.

"What is it?"

"I think you know what this is about."

The uneasy feeling turned into cold dread. His mouth went dry as he heard the next few words.

"Let's break up."

The expression that flitted across Sasori's face was only there for a moment but Deidara saw it. He shifted uncomfortably in the heavy silence.

"You knew what you were getting into when you started this thing with me, yeah."

The tense silence continued for what seemed like decades before it was broken. "…fine"

Deidara visibly relaxed as relief rushed through his body. He didn't even realise he had tensed his body. Subconsciously, he realised that the situation was somewhat like a predator sizing up its prey. Deidara was grateful that Sasori seemed to be taking it well. Nodding once and finding nothing more to say, he stalked out of the room at a quicker pace than normal. If only he had looked back, he would have seen the calculating, possessive look dominating Sasori's features. He should've known better than to think that Sasori would just let him go like that.

---

After that day, their relationship was strained although they had agreed to remain as friends. The growing rift between the two seemed unfixable. Deidara had tried to approach Sasori a few times but he was always quickly brushed off. That's why when Sasori approached him two weeks later, he was relieved. Perhaps he deliberately ignored Sasori's peculiar expression but he accepted the 'peace offering'- a drink- that Sasori handed to him. Whatever the reason, he drank it all without a second thought although every nerve in his body screamed not to and before he knew it, everything went black.

When Deidara woke up, the first thing he noticed was that he was strapped down to a table. Panicking, he struggled to get free but paused when he heard a familiar voice.

"Stop struggling brat."

"S-sasori Danna? What am I doing here?"

"Look around you," commanded Sasori while gesturing to the walls, ignoring Deidara's question.

Deidara looked and couldn't contain the gasp that escaped his lips. Lining the walls were dozens and dozens of puppets. All kinds of puppets and in fact, the majority of them looked eerily realistic. He suddenly spied a human puppet that was _definitely_ too realistic.

Sasori smirked as he watched Deidara's face pale from realisation.

"This, Deidara, is true art. True art is something that can stand the test of time. I have immortalised all of these beings, made them perfect. " He pointed to the female puppet closest to Deidara before continuing his spiel. "I remember that girl especially. She was a beautiful thing. Feisty. She fought against me with every fibre of her being but that's okay, I don't expect thanks for my work. I have preserved her beauty which would have eventually withered away into nothing."

Oh god, everything in this room really _had _once been alive. The full impact of his situation suddenly hit him. No, he didn't want to die like this. Not like this. This wasn't art. In his panic induced haze, he hadn't noticed Sasori inject a syringe and pump him with substance until it was too late. Frantically, he struggled against his bindings but a wave of lethargy washed through his body as the drug began to take effect. Before he lost conscious he found enough strength to ask one last question.

"Why, Danna?"

A twisted smile graced Sasori's face as he stared lovingly at Deidara. He pressed his lips briefly to Deidara's temple before leaning down to whisper in his ear.

"Because I love you."

The last thing that Deidara saw before the darkness claimed him for all of eternity was Sasori's advancing scalpel and the insane gleam in his eyes.


	5. Rubix Cubes and Strip Teases

A/N: What's this? A strip teasing Sasori? This fic is dedicated to **TeamDavid0698 **who loves this sexy pair as much as I do xD Reviews appreciated!

* * *

Akasuna no Sasori was considered a genius by many. He had graduated high school at the age of fifteen with top marks, gone on to receive two PhDs and was now a highly successful business man, Yes, he was a genius and he knew it. Nothing could stand in his way. He was undefeated…until today. Akasuna no Sasori had indeed been thwarted by a rubix cube.

Sasori growled in frustration. This thing just refused to be solved. Randomly twisting a line, he wondered why he was even bothering with this thing. Oh right, it was a gift from his lover. Supposedly, smart people were able to solve it. Twisting it in half again, he grit his teeth in anger before throwing it onto the ground and kicking it away.

Deidara, who had been watching the display from the doorway, grinned in an amused manner. Sasori was known for many things; patience was not one of them. His grin grew wider as he watched his lover grab a knife and viciously rip apart the rubix cube. Sasori could be so childish sometimes.

Triumphantly, Sasori stood up. That would teach the rubix cube not to mess with him! A hand on his shoulder startled him. He hadn't realized that Deidara had been watching his little display. Now that his mind was clear from the rage, he flushed lightly at the thought of his childish behaviour. Attempting to salvage his image, he crossed his arms and turned to give Deidara his most menacing glare. Unfortunately for Sasori, it just made him look like a pouting child.

It was too hard to resist. Deidara ruffled Sasori's hair even though he knew it would piss him off more. It came as no surprise when his hand was swatted away.

"What do you want?" Sasori growled.

Deidara replied in a smug voice, "You couldn't solve it." Actually, he was surprised that his Danna has lasted that long. He had expected the other cube to not make it past the two day mark. Reaching into his pocket, Deidara pulled out another rubix cube. He fought back a grin as he caught Sasori's expression. The horrified look on Sasori's face was priceless. He pushed the rubix cube into Sasori's limp hands.

"I thought you of all people would've been able to solve it, un."

"The...the rubix cube is evil!" blurted out Sasori.

Deidara fought back a laugh before replying. "Oh? How so?"

Sasori glanced down at the rubix cube despairingly before meeting Deidara's gaze. It almost made Deidara feel sorry for him.

"It doesn't want to be solved. It's plotting against me. I swear I nearly solved it and then it re-scrambled itself!" The rational part of Sasori's mind was busy committing mental suicide for how ridiculously childish he sounded. However, that part of his mind had fled long ago at the fact that he, THE Akasuna no Sasori, could not solve this simple puzzle!

Deidara had to let out a snigger at that. This rubix cube idea was definitely one of his better ones. Suddenly, he had an idea.

"Tell you what Danna, why don't I solve it for you?"

The rational part of Sasori came back after hearing that. "You?" he sneered in a condescending manner, "If I can't do it what makes you think you can?"

Deidara remained unphased. "Maybe I can, maybe I can't," Deidara shrugged before continuing. "How about we make a bet, un?"

Sasori instantly narrowed his eyes in suspicion. The brat was planning something. "What do you propose?"

"Well, if I can't solve it in twenty-four hours, I'll admit that your art is superior to mine, un."

That seemed tempting. "And if you do solve it?"

"If I do solve it before the deadline..." Deidara paused there to draw out the suspense. Annoying Sasori was an added bonus.

"Well?" Sasori prompted impatiently.

Deidara smirked which instantly made Sasori wary. "If I can solve it, you have to give me a striptease."

Sasori was speechless. The brat wanted him to do what?! He refused to degrade himself so. On the other hand, Deidara had agreed to change his view on art. An artist offering to change his beliefs was always a very big thing.

Seeing Sasori's internal conflict, Deidara decided to throw in something to seal the deal.

"...I'll wear that French maid outfit."

"Deal." Sasori wasn't a business man for nothing.

----

Sasori smirked while he worked on his latest puppet project. It had been three hours since they made the bet and Sasori was feeling fairly confident. If _he _couldn't solve it after three days then there was no chance that Deidara could. He was looking forward to seeing Deidara in that outfit. It had been a gag gift from Hidan and Sasori had kept it just in case. His contemplation was cut short when suddenly, Deidara burst through the door.

"Danna~! Guess what?" Deidara said in a sing-song voice.

A sudden dread gripped the pits of his stomach. "What?"

Instead of answering, Deidara thrust the rubix cube into Sasori's hands while wearing a shit-eating grin. Sasori looked at the object with wide eyes.

No. Way.

He checked every single face of the cube only to find that all the colours were exactly where they should be.

Deidara watched as Sasori double-checked and triple-checked the rubix cube. When Sasori finally accepted the reality of the situation, he stared up, wide-eyed at Deidara. With the shit-eating grin still plastered on his face, he pet the shocked Sasori on the head before announcing, "You owe me a striptease, un." Then he flounced out the door. In a manly way of course.

Sasori was still frozen in shock. The brat had out-smarted him and now he had to…striptease. Jolting out of his reverie, he desperately tried to think of a way to get out of this. Then he remembered the last time he tried to get out of something. A shudder. Deidara could be very stubborn and…persuasive when he wanted to be. Slumping into his chair, Sasori realised that, indeed, all hope was lost.

---

His Danna had ambushed him while he had been going to the kitchen. Currently, Deidara was blindfolded and being tied to a chair.

"Wow Danna, feeling kinky today?"Deidara asked in a playful manner while squirming slightly.

"I'm giving you a striptease. Knowing you, you'd try to touch me and we can't have that can we?" Sasori responded, checking the knots.

"Whatever you say, Danna." Deidara licked his lips in anticipation.

Standing back, Sasori took a moment to admire his handiwork. He would make Deidara regret this. He turned on the stereo before removing Deidara's blindfold.

Blinking to adjust his eyes again, he looked at Sasori. Then Deidara blinked again to make sure he wasn't hallucinating. His mouth went dry and dropped slightly as he took in what Sasori was wearing. Short mini skirt, tight shirt showing off his mid-riff, fishnet stockings, stilettos... just kidding.

Low-riding ripped jeans, loose hoodie with a zipper; his Danna always wore impeccable clothing so this casual "bad-boy" look was a nice change.

Trying to regain his composure, he nonchalantly said, "That's not what you would wear if you were a stripper."

"Well I'm not a stripper. I am an artist who lost a bet to some blonde idiot and is now being forced to perform against his will. What do you think I'd wear? A feather boa?" Deidara started to protest but Sasori cut him off, "Besides, I'm just going to end up taking it all off anyway, why does it matter what I'm wearing?" Sasori unzipped his hoodie and allowed Deidara to have a peek at what was underneath. The shirt underneath it clung flatteringly to Sasori's body showing off everything. Deidara shuddered at the delicious image.

Sasori smirked at Deidara's reaction. This could be more fun than he had originally anticipated. He walked towards Deidara again and bent over so he was resting the palms of his hands near Deidara's upper thigh. Leaning forward until his lips were a breath away from Deidara's ear, he purred in his most sensual voice, "Like what you see?" while suggestively kneading Deidara's thigh.

Deidara's breath hitched at that. He never knew Sasori could be quite the seductive minx. God, his lower regions were already beginning to stir and Sasori hadn't even done anything yet! His mouth worked to reply but he seemed to have lost the ability to speak so he just nodded meekly.

Sasori purposely brushed his hand briefly against Deidara's half erection earning a strangled gasp. He then stepped backwards before reaching over to turn up the volume. He mentally took a deep breath before beginning.

The hoodie came off first, revealing a muscle shirt that clung to Sasori's body quite nicely. Deidara flexed his fingers, itching to touch that piece of art. Oh god, he never realised his Danna could move like _that_. The shirt went next. Fingers played across the newly exposed skin in an enticing manner that drove him crazy. The wandering fingers then dipped below the waistband of the jeans in a teasing manner before hands removed the belt causing the already low-riding jeans to slip down even further. Deidara mentally prayed for the jeans to slip off completely but his prayers went unanswered. Instead of taking them off, Sasori continued to move in a rhythmic and seductive manner until the begging and hungry look on Deidara's face became too much. He slipped out of the jeans to reveal that he wasn't wearing anything underneath. By then, Deidara was breathing quite heavily.

Taking calculated steps forward while never letting his smouldering gaze break eye-contact, he straddled Deidara's lap. "Guess what _comes_ next, _Dei-da-ra_?" he half-moaned in Deidara's ear.

Oh god. Deidara could've come right there. His Danna's striptease had him all hot and bothered and he wanted to jump him right there if the damn bonds weren't in the way. He should've protested against them earlier. In his half-dazed state, Deidara had to remind himself to reply.

"W-what?" His voice was husky with lust.

Sasori grinded himself into Deidara's lap earning a groan from both of them.

"I...am going to take a shower."

And with that, Sasori stood up and stalked out of the room as if nothing had ever happened.

Sasori was long gone by the time Deidara's mind caught up with him. No...Sasori did NOT just leave him like that. No one was THAT cruel. He listened in hopes of hearing approaching footsteps. Unfortunately, all that he picked up was the sound of a shower starting. He struggled against his bonds before realising how futile his efforts were. Sasori had always been extraordinarily talented with knots. He let out a howl of frustration as he realised his hopeless situation.

From his shower, Sasori heard Deidara's howl and the string of curse words that followed. Heh, that would teach the brat for messing with him. Sasori had already taken care of his 'problem' and he was taking his time in the shower. Knowing the stubborn nature of his lover, it would take him about fifteen minutes to free himself from the knots at best. Truthfully, he didn't tie them as tight as he could have. It would've been no fun if they were unescapable. He turned off the shower and put on a bathrobe before exiting the bathroom and starting the countdown.

Three... A crash was heard down the hallway. About time Sasori thought while rolling his eyes.

Two...rapid footsteps could be heard approaching the bedroom.

One...CRASH! The bedroom door slammed open and there stood Deidara. Sasori examined his state with mild interest. He was panting and there were visible angry red welts from the ropes. All in all, he was looking worse for wear.

"_You!_" Deidara snarled venomously.

"Me." Sasori replied calmly.

They maintained eye-contact momentarily. Sasori's cool gaze against Deidara's fiery one. Then Sasori's bathrobe 'accidently' slipped off one shoulder. That was all it took to break the spell. Deidara quickly strode forward, grabbed Sasori and practically smashed their lips together while tackling Sasori onto the bed. Deidara then proceeded to ravish him in quite an desperate, animalistic fashion. Working up Deidara always had amusing results. That was Sasori's last rational thought before he was overwhelmed by Deidara's lust induced frenzy.

---

Sasori snuggled up to Deidara. They were both exhausted from their activities and were ready to sleep. However, something nagged Deidara's conscience and he decided to come clean.

"Sasori?" Deidara asked rather nervously.

"Mmm?"

"I have a confession to make." Sasori cracked open one eye and regarded Deidara warily.

"What is it?" Deidara bit his bottom lip, a nervous gesture, before meeting Sasori's gaze with a sheepish expression on his face.

"I rearranged the stickers."

"…what?"

"The rubix cube. I rearranged the stickers." Sasori was fully awake now.

"You what?!" Disbelief coloured his tone as he snarled at Deidara.

"Well, I said I'd solve it but I never said I'd do it properly?" Deidara defended weakly as he pasted his most pitiful expression on his face.

All righteous anger drained out of Sasori at that point. Partly because of Deidara's puppy-dog face but mostly because, well, the results of Deidara's deception were rather enjoyable. Not that he'd admit that. Too tired to really do anything, Sasori merely kicked Deidara off the bed and turned to face the other direction. He'd deal with the brat in the morning.


End file.
